I'm gonna miss ya!

It's always the same. It is so hard to traveling alone without my family. I am not talking about two or three days, but two to three months! This time I feel even harder because Elka and Farhan are grow up.

I delayed my departure date four times already. But the time is running out, and no more delay is possible! I have to go tonight.

Two months ago when I talked to Elka and Farhan about my fieldwork plan to Indonesia, they said "well, OK, you can go...". But two weeks ago they said "I want to go to Indonesia with you". This morning Elka said "Oh no..., can you stay one more day with us?". Farhan said sweetly, "can I go with you please?" Farhan even tried a little bit harder to make me stay. He warned me with stories about airplane crash and said that going by airplane is very very dangerous. Finally Farhan said, "OK, you can go, but you have to bring Turkish delights and skipping rope from Indonesia for me" :) Elka said OK and warned me to be very careful with earthquake and tsunami. Finally I went to the airport....

When we separate from our loves ones, we will more appreciate the time when we are together. I miss you guys.....!

Singapore, 27 July 2006

Conference Blue...

"When I am feelin' blue, all I have to do is a take a look at you..."
This song could not help me, this time. I feel like I have soo many things to do but I lost in space.

This is not because of my thesis writing as I feel that my adrenalin is still up since my last draft got many question marks from my supervisor. I like it! I think the best supervisor is that someone who criticizes your works and asks difficult questions.

This is not because of my children. In fact they are very well behave especially with my yes and no regulations.

Yes, its because of a conference. Actually this conference is not a big deal to me. Its not in my dreaming country to visit and not too big forum. It has quite general topic, not specifically relevant to my thesis. Sure, I like to attend and present my paper there because few things. First, I like to discuss my thesis with international reputation sociologists and historians, and other scholars of Asian studies there. Second, I believe that this forum has good intellectual atmosphere that will make my brain works hard to answer questions. Third, I want to see my friends. Last, its location and date are well fitted with my field work plan.

What make me blue is not that my abstract fails, but the uncertainty it made. I have been waiting for almost a month only to know whether my abstract succeeds or fails. Two weeks ago the convenor of the forum said that my abstract is shortlisted and I have wait another week. Hgh, its unprofessional. I imagine if I succeed I will say in the forum I am sorry I havent finished my paper.

It looks like this uncertainty cause no problem, but it is not, for sure. I have to wait its announcement so that I could have a certainty how much additional funds will I have for my field research including attendance in this forum. I have to delay my flight schedule. I have to delay to apply for getting travel insurance because it needs info how much funding I get from university. I havent started to write the 5,000 words paper in fact the forum date is three weeks to come. Fuih, this late announcement really made me blue.

Actually, I am not so interested to attend a conference anymore (maybe with exceptions of country I havent been there such as South Africa and Russia :)) Conferences are monotonous and boredom if I dont have friends there. I think I have enough links and networks so what I need now is a critical forum specific on my subject. Beside that I need a forum from which my paper will become a part of a book chapter, and a summer school where I can dig more historical resources important to my thesis or improve my thesis theoretical framework. Haha (laugh), apart from this conference blue I still have some dreams to catch up. Who knows? If we cant get to Jupiter, getting March has already become an amazing milestone.