"When I am feelin' blue, all I have to do is a take a look at you..."
This song could not help me, this time. I feel like I have soo many things to do but I lost in space.
This is not because of my thesis writing as I feel that my adrenalin is still up since my last draft got many question marks from my supervisor. I like it! I think the best supervisor is that someone who criticizes your works and asks difficult questions.
This is not because of my children. In fact they are very well behave especially with my yes and no regulations.
Yes, its because of a conference. Actually this conference is not a big deal to me. Its not in my dreaming country to visit and not too big forum. It has quite general topic, not specifically relevant to my thesis. Sure, I like to attend and present my paper there because few things. First, I like to discuss my thesis with international reputation sociologists and historians, and other scholars of Asian studies there. Second, I believe that this forum has good intellectual atmosphere that will make my brain works hard to answer questions. Third, I want to see my friends. Last, its location and date are well fitted with my field work plan.
What make me blue is not that my abstract fails, but the uncertainty it made. I have been waiting for almost a month only to know whether my abstract succeeds or fails. Two weeks ago the convenor of the forum said that my abstract is shortlisted and I have wait another week. Hgh, its unprofessional. I imagine if I succeed I will say in the forum I am sorry I havent finished my paper.
It looks like this uncertainty cause no problem, but it is not, for sure. I have to wait its announcement so that I could have a certainty how much additional funds will I have for my field research including attendance in this forum. I have to delay my flight schedule. I have to delay to apply for getting travel insurance because it needs info how much funding I get from university. I havent started to write the 5,000 words paper in fact the forum date is three weeks to come. Fuih, this late announcement really made me blue.
Actually, I am not so interested to attend a conference anymore (maybe with exceptions of country I havent been there such as South Africa and Russia :)) Conferences are monotonous and boredom if I dont have friends there. I think I have enough links and networks so what I need now is a critical forum specific on my subject. Beside that I need a forum from which my paper will become a part of a book chapter, and a summer school where I can dig more historical resources important to my thesis or improve my thesis theoretical framework. Haha (laugh), apart from this conference blue I still have some dreams to catch up. Who knows? If we cant get to Jupiter, getting March has already become an amazing milestone.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Conference Blue...
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3 comments:
Dear Amel,
Haha, what a nice story, I mean that I really enjoy people articulate their experience. From their experience I can learn vicariously, so I don't have to invent the wheel. Experience is always a good teacher, most is our own. I learn a lot from my experience and also others. Some times I make intrepretation first and discuss with them and ask "what do you think of my
intrepretation of yours".
One thing of the lesson that I have got from others is do not put too much emphasis on "what" but "how". Peole often afraid to express their thought or ideas or question or refusal, because they do not want to offend others, or
to get dislike expression whether from the face or the words, for example from the boss.
A friend of mine (work colleague) never hesitate to express what he wants to say. He ever did to me and it worked. I saw him once upon a time, after a long time never see him. After we got chats about our organisation, he said to me, "Mbak Ita, I really like to see you in the strong colour such as black, brown, or dark blue.You look more elegant with those kinds of colour. This is nice colour, but this colour is not enough to express your elegant style, the way you are used to be." I replied "Really? You really watch
me. Thanks for your suggestion and attention" And then we were involved again in
conversation. At the last, he said, "I am sorry if I say something wrong particularly about the colour". I said, "No, really, I am flattered, I mean that I never realise that, but you could see it." Several days later I came
to him to interview regarding my thesis, and then came to the topic of his experience to deal with other people, especially his boss. He told me the lesson that I have told you at the beginning. And then I felt kind of "experience rabbit" when he told me that actually, the "what" he wanted to
say to me several days ago about the dress I wore was "Your taste of colour is bad (norak)." I laugh and laugh. To be honest, I never felt being offended by him, instead I was flattered. The secret is in his way of delivering
his message (how).
Since then I have tried to apply the lesson, not only on the conversation or discussion, but also in every aspect of my life. However, it doesn't mean that I put too much concern on the process which could overlook the
result, nor I put too much focus on details which could neglect the big picture. The point is I dont' want to miss my intention (what) because of my "how" or to some one else or situation beyond my control, I don't want to ignore their "what" because of their "how".
If I may try to make an analog with your experience, the conference refers to "what" and the way of conference has been organised refers to "how".
You have a dream of attending a conference, but please do not stop your dream (what) because of their "how". I believe there are still many well organised conference and good conference (the content) outside there waiting for your participation to hear and share your valuable experience. Please do not extinguish your flame because of the wind.
Certainly, there is a lesson that I have got from you, not every
conference is good conference. We have to be careful to select.
To be honest, I would like to hear from you again, meaning to read the verbalisation of your experience in attending the conference.
Wish you all the best,
Puspita
Hi Mbak Ita,
What a thoughtful! I never think about "what" and "how" in
such a way. Its a beautiful theoretical lesson for me. Thanks
Amel
Alhamdulillah, my abstract has been accepted! Finally...
But, O ow, I have to prepare the paper! Oh my my...
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